Life is a Sophie’s Choice

I’ve never been one to express myself freely in the spoken word, so I’ve been told. Considering that I haven’t been able to convey how I feel or what I want, to those around me, there must be some truth to it.

Around six months back I left my job in the hope of living life on my own terms, in the hope of having the ultimate freedom to do what I want without giving any explanation to anyone, in the hope of discovering on my own what to do and what not to do. Little did I know that I would still be a prisoner just in a different prison.

I’ve spent many winters on this planet yet I haven’t seen a single snow flake in person. I don’t know what it feels like to experience the life that thrives in the depth of water. I don’t know what a cherry Coke tastes like. 71% of the Earth is covered with water yet I don’t know how to survive in it. I’ve only heard or read about the beauty of Italy and France. I am largely unfamiliar with the works of William Shakespeare and Dante Alighieri. Will I ever get to do all this?

I seem to have been living in an oblivion of some kind where death appeared to be a distant star. In reality, I’ll be lucky if I get to spend another day because I don’t know when the hourglass of my time runs out of sand. If to you I appear to be philosophical, you obviously seem to know when your time will be up, please be kind and let me know mine.

If there’s no certainty of how much time I’ve got wouldn’t it be logical to do things I really want to do, first. This is where I am stuck. I am stuck because, like most things in life, each of those things require money. I am stuck because I know that with time my list of to do things would grow and that no matter how much money I make it’ll never be enough. I am stuck because there’ll always be the grasshopper’s conundrum. To live in the present or save for the [uncertain] future, a Sophie’s Choice that I must decide.

20 years of my life I spent going through the “official” process of getting educated yet I don’t know what to choose. For the first raises the question what if I live and, the other, what if I die?